I am so pissed, literally I am so annoyed. So here’s the thing. In my last post I wrote that the weather in Holland was horrible, well it’s now 30 degrees outside. Yeey. But there is one thing: I am really insecure about my body. I will never and I mean never be comfortable in my bikini. But today I was sorta comfortable in wearing shorts to school.
But it seems like other people don’t mind that somebody can feel uncomfortable in their own skin. Now I’ve got to say it, I am overweighted, I know that. And I’m working on it, I really am (more about that in the future). But I don’t need to hear that from others. I don’t need to hear someone, someone who doesn’t even know me, say ‘fat’ when I walk across them. That just upsets me you know?
The dummest thing is, that person doesn’t even know me. I feel like that’s something that people need to remind themselves of: you never truly know a person. You (almost) never know the whole story, what they are going through. And she mumbled it, she didn’t even have the courage to just say it out loud, in my face. Probably because I would have punched her in her face. Wait, that isn’t the dummest thing. The dummest thing is that I let it get to me. Is it really that normal that I get upset? Is it normal that I almost ran to the bathroom and just cried? Of course, that is the story you always hear, but it’s not normal.
Now this is kinda a cliché, but my name, Fabienne, starts with fab. So I like to call myself fabulous, to give me confidence. When I was sitting on that toilet, I was giving myself a little pep talk. “Who gives a f*ck what that b*tch think.” “So what? I’m f*cking fabulous!” that sorta things. This helped me throughout the day thankfully, but not without putting on a mask.
But I am who I am, so I want to think of positive things only. So if a b*tch calls me fat, I just see it as motivation. You’ve got to prove people wrong, prove people that you are better, better than them even. I feel like giving yourself that little pep talk when you are down is very important. I helps for the emotion eaters, drinkers or users. So I just deal with it that way.
Maybe if one of you reading this is harming yourself in any way possible, letting your emotions do that to you. I hope that you maybe try the pep talk thingie out and hopefully stop hurting yourself with either food, alcohol, drugs or razors. Because you are worth it, you are awesome and the world needs your awesomeness.
Thank you all for reading this and thank you for letting me rant about something.
With much love,